The Ultimate Boyfriend Test - or - You Guys Are Morons

You can take your pick on the title for this one... I couldn't decide. So many options were running through my head. Actually, I would like to hear your ideas. Read the story, then post your title suggestion. Thanks!


True story.

This past Sunday I was at Disney with my sisters. You know this already because of my previous blog entry. But, you don't know what happened after dinner.

Disney was doing "Extra Magic Hours" at the Magic Kingdom. For those of you not in the know, that's where the park is open only to Disney Resort guests. The Magic Kingdom was open until 3am. A magnificent birthday present for Steph. We couldn't have planned that any better.

We took a boat from Ft Wilderness Campgrounds to MK and arrived at the gates around 9ish. As usual we were playing Team Members. I noticed 4 bikers just past the security bag check. I laughed, pointed and put them on Jack's team. We had a good laugh... it was impossible to know at this point just how much laughing we would do at these people's expense.

I had to renew my annual pass, so once my bags were given the All Clear, I made my way over to the ticket windows. One benefit to arriving at 9pm is that there is no one in line for the ticket window people. No one, until I was about 3 feet from the line. Then all four bikers jumped in front of me. I wasn't going to say anything. They were all pretty big.

I guess I should explain them in a little more detail to you. Like I said earlier, there were 4 of them: 2 guys, 2 girls. Both guys were tall. One guy was huge all over, the other looked like a tall Edward (the vampire kid from those sparkly vampire movies). The chick that belonged to the BIG guy was tall, like super-freak tall. The other chick was small, and she had on super short denim shorts with black combat boots. All 4 looked (and smelled) as though it had been a while since they had seen a bar of soap. With the exception of the BIG guy, they looked like the reproduction product of EMOs and Hell's Angels. In short: they were totally out of place.

Ok. Back to the line.

I am waiting for my turn. The BIG guy gets up to the window and says, "Yeah, how much is it to get in this place?"

From my vantage point, I cannot hear the Disney employee answer, but I think I can imagine what she says. I will answer for her here by using italics. Disney girl: "Somewhere in the ballpark of $80 per person"


BIG guy: "What?! That guy said it was free!" (You should note that BIG guy does not gesture toward 'that guy')

Disney girl: "Hahahaha. Silly biker man. Very little here is free. And it is most definitely NOT free to enter the Magic Kingdom."


BIG guy: "This is bull sh&*!"

Then the 4 smellies walk away. And it's my turn to go to the window. I notice though that they do not leave completely. They seem to mill around the EXIT turn styles. I tell the girl what I need and wait for my pass to be printed.

All of a sudden, I hear a very clear, very loud, very authoritative voice shout: "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING????!!!!"

I turn to see the littlest biker is standing on the INSIDE of the Disney fence and her compadres are scattering like roaches when you turn the light on.

The loud voice is coming from a well-dressed Disney security man. "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!!?? YOU CAN'T HOP THE FENCE HERE!!!"

Little biker speaks quietly. Can't make out her words.

Disney: "I SAW YOU!! WE SEE EVERYTHING HERE! YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING HERE WITHOUT SOMEONE KNOWING ABOUT IT!!! YOU CAN'T EVEN SNEEZE WITHOUT US KNOWING."

Then Disney man calls for the others to return. He is furiously shouting into his walkie talkie to get this girl's boyfriend back. Someone says, "He doesn't want to come back."

Disney man scoffs and says, "NO KIDDING HE DOESN'T WANT TO COME BACK! TELL HIM IF HE DOESN'T COME BACK, I AM GOING TO SEND HIS GIRLFRIEND TO JAIL."

Little biker and Disney man go back and forth for a few minutes. My window girl keeps interrupting this scene to get me to sign stuff and pay attention to her, so I missed a few things. Next thing I know, the freakishly tall biker girl has come back. She thinks she will be able to explain this situation to Disney man.

She is mistaken.

I have no idea what she keeps trying to tell him. All I can hear is Disney man saying: "STOP TALKING TO ME! I CANNOT EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW MUCH I DO NOT CARE! I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOUR EXCUSES ARE! YOUR FRIEND HOPPED MY FENCE. AND UNLESS HER BOYFRIEND GETS BACK HERE, I AM GOING TO HAVE HER ARRESTED. STOP TALKING TO ME!"

Freakishly tall biker girl finally gives up and walks away. I assume she has gone to convince sparkly boyfriend to return. And bring her disgusting mammoth biker back too. When freakishly tall biker girl is about 50 ft away, Disney man looks at little biker and says, "I guess we're gonna find out if your boyfriend really likes you. Because I promise, if he doesn't come back over here, you are spending the night in county jail."

I nearly laughed out loud. I got my ticket, and we went through the gates (legally). We hung around for another couple minutes. Long enough to see a few more well-dressed Disney dudes show up. Sparkly boyfriend did return. As did the other 2 smellies. They were not arrested, but all 4 are banned from Disney for life.

By far, this was one of the craziest Disney experiences EVER!

*disclaimer - Disney man was not yelling... he was speaking loudly, clearly, and with a great deal of authority. The acoustics in that part of the Park coupled with the fact that it was not busy made for excellent eavesdropping ability.